Why Are So Many Men Feeling Alone? Understanding the Loneliness Epidemic Among Modern Men

Have you ever apologized for crying, even to your significant other? Are you worried that you're a burden? Have you been surrounded by people but felt utterly alone? If you’re a man in Western culture, chances are, you’re not alone in feeling this way. But how there be a loneliness epidemic among men when they are surrounded by others?

The answer lies at the intersection of deeply ingrained beliefs about masculinity and modern society's rapidly shifting social and cultural norms. Men today face a unique challenge—navigating an ever-changing world while contending with traditional notions of what it means to "be a man."

The Burden of Masculine Norms

For centuries, social norms about gender have been passed down through families, communities, and cultural narratives. These norms influence what is considered "normal" and "valued" for men. Traits such as self-reliance, strength, pain tolerance, productivity, and invulnerability are often upheld as the gold standard of masculinity.

This emphasis on traditional masculine traits creates a paradox for men seeking connection. While many men find camaraderie through activities like team sports, military service, or other goal-oriented pursuits, this connection often depends on the ability to "perform." For instance, men who sustain injuries and are unable to participate in group activities report feeling socially detached and lonely, even if they remain physically present with members. The less self-sufficient a man feels, the greater the sense of loneliness and disconnection (King et al., 2020).

The Stigma of Emotional Expression

What happens when men deviate from traditional masculine roles? Research shows that men who step outside these norms—whether as stay-at-home fathers, homosexual men, express emotional vulnerability, or in other non-traditional roles—often feel heightened pressure to conform in different ways, such as demonstrating higher strength or increased productivity.

Even more challenging is how men are expected to handle their emotions. Discussing loneliness or emotional struggles can result in stigma and loss of status, so it’s not unusual for men to avoid addressing sensitive topics altogether. Men often use silence to convey concern and respect when faced with another man’s emotional struggles. Unfortunately, while socially protective, this strategy perpetuates feelings of isolation and emotional disconnection (Nordin et al., 2024). 

Breaking the Cycle of the Loneliness Epidemic Among Men.

So, how can men combat loneliness and meet their emotional needs in meaningful ways?

Redefining Masculinity 

The key to expanding the definition of masculinity to include emotional expression and vulnerability is acknowledging tightly held beliefs about what is valuable and essential when

it comes to being a man. By recognizing these beliefs, both men and women can work to change the narrative about what is considered “manly.” This shift creates the opportunity to make meaningful connections among adults and is the first step in changing the narrative for future generations. New ideals of what it means to be a man can look like acknowleding strong doesn’t mean invulnerable, and deeply held emotional connections with other men aren’t emasculating but fortifying. 

Creating Safe Spaces for Connection It is crucial to intentionally create environments where men can share openly without fear of judgment. Among friends and family, shifting the narrative to reduce stigma around expressing emotions is a simple start to reducing the isolation and loneliness men experience.  

King, K., Dow, B., Keogh, L., Feldman, P., Milner, A., Pierce, D., Chenhall, R., & Schlichthorst, M. (2020). “Is life worth living?”: The role of masculinity in the way men aged over 80 talk about living, dying, and suicide. American Journal of Men’s Health, 14(5), 1–14.

Nordin, T., Degerstedt, F., & Valmari, E. G. (2024). A scoping review of masculinity norms and their interplay with loneliness and social connectedness among men in Western societies. American Journal of Men's Health, 18(6